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If a husband and wife are both wholeheartedly committed to their marriage, they will make every sacrifice and do whatever is necessary to keep their relationship healthy, growing, and fulfilling.
Adam & Eve: The Original Couple After God’s Own Heart
In his 2000 book, now a classic, entitled Communication: Key to Your Marriage, H. Norman Wright asserts that communication is key, and we see this truth—and the results of a failure to communicate—in the confusion we hear in Eve’s words as she takes on the devil.
Lessons for Husbands from Adam
- Remember your purpose. God gave Adam dominion (Genesis 1:27-28). Adam was assigned to be the leader. And, to add the full dimension to that role, you, like Adam, are to be the spiritual leader in your marriage.
- Be available. Adam was there…but he wasn’t there.
- Be protective. Sometimes as guys, we use our role as leader par excellence to “delegate” things to our wives. Actually, dumping may be the more appropriate term. Our wives are so competent that we are more than happy to let them carry the burdens we should shoulder ourselves. Your wife already has a lot on her plate, with her roles as a wife and mom and home manager and perhaps a worker as well. Your job is to protect her so she can continue to do her best in her primary roles.
- Be an encourager. Many books report that a large number of women suffer from low self-esteem and a lack of confidence and self-worth. Through pain they say something like, “I just wish my husband would whisper ‘I love you’ once in a while. He’s sure able to complain when things go wrong. Why can’t he show a little appreciation when things go well, which they do most of the time?”
There are three basic elements needed to build a structure that lasts: a foundation, a blueprint, and tools. In Adam and Eve, we see:
- Foundation: Love. Love for God and the love of God, along with love for each other.
- Blueprint: They had the divine blueprint for marriage.
- Tools: They departed the Garden of Eden with the tools needed for building a marriage that lasts: forgiveness and hope.
Abraham and Sarah: Partners in Faith
When there is a crisis, don’t make the same mistake Abraham and Sarah did. Before you take action, pray! And when there is trouble in your marriage and your family, pray!
Every time you pray, you are demonstrating faith. Every time you obey God—even when you don’t understand—you are living by faith. God will carry you through every trial you will ever encounter as you run your personal faith marathon.
When we consider Sarah following Abraham, we can’t help but think of the four A’s: Anything, Anywhere, Anytime, at Any Cost. That’s a demonstration of strong faith!
In spite of their issues as a couple, Abraham and Sarah were a man and woman of faith—a couple of faith, partners in faith—a couple after God’s own heart. Beyond their story in Genesis, this dynamic duo is mentioned for their faith in God in four New Testament books (including the Hebrews 11 Hall of Faith).
Are you growing in God as a couple? Are you partners in faith? God is not looking for perfection, only progression.
Lessons for Husbands from Abraham
- Love your wife through thick and thin. We are to love our wives unconditionally.
- Be consistent with your leadership.
- Openly worship God.
- Diligently manage your resources. Abraham was never obsessed or lazy with riches, even though he was a wealthy man. But he was faithful to manage his possessions carefully. Control your expenses. Give a tithe or portion of every paycheck. Strengthen your faith. Set “couple goals” regarding your finances.
- Seek contentment. Make every effort to follow Paul’s motto: “I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content” (Philippians 4:11). Determine what you need, not what you want.
Building a Marriage that Lasts:
- Foundation: They possessed strong individual trust in God, which made them partners in faith.
- Blueprint: They followed God’s plan for their lives. What God said, they did.
- Tools: They heavily used and relied on the promises of God. We see patience as a tool for trusting and living for God.
Isaac and Rebekah: A Marriage Made in Heaven
As a Christian couple, you must now see your marriage as sanctioned and blessed by God. It is to be permanent. Love is action, not just saying the words. The proof of your love will be seen in how you treat your wife.
After 20 years of marriage, Rebekah was still without children. Like Sarah before her, this was a big deal for Rebekah. Isaac rose to the test and did the best thing anyone can do in a tough, impossible-looking situation—he turned himself to God in prayer. Isaac earnestly and continually pleaded with God—“Isaac pleaded with the Lord for his wife, because she was barren” (Genesis 25:21). And the outcome? God answered with twins! (v. 21-22)
Unfortunately, the story does not end well, as we see a lot of dysfunction in Genesis 27-28:
- A couple not sharing important messages and events.
- Parents showing favoritism.
- A spouse trying to manipulate and deceive a partner.
The story ends with Rebekah helping her favored son, Jacob, deceive her husband and Jacob’s father giving Jacob the blessing of the firstborn, rather than to the rightful heir, Esau. The family was torn apart as Jacob was forced to run for his life, and Esau, in rebellion, married a woman from idolatrous neighbors. Such a tragic ending after a thrilling and hopeful beginning!
Lessons for Husbands from Isaac
- Gentleness is strength under control. This quality speaks of an ability to stay calm, no matter what happens. Humility is a noble and biblical quality every man should cultivate and possess. Most wives would love their husbands to show a little more gentleness and sensitivity to their needs and those of their children. Thinking, pondering, meditating, and praying are all aspects that signify a heart of humility. A quiet spirit of meekness is noble until it becomes a passive spirit that fails to lead, fails to make decisions, fails to stand up for what is right, true, and godly, and, as in Isaac’s case, fails to protect the honor and safety of your wife.
- Tap into the power of prayer. Isaac prayed for his wife (Genesis 25:21).
- Emotions are a good thing. Having an emotional side is essential for a husband after God’s own heart. It moves you to feel deeply, act strongly, and pray fervently. And it helps you follow God’s command to live with your wife “with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7).
- Love needs direction.
Jacob and Rachel: Love that Lasts a Lifetime
There’s certainly not anything wrong with “love at first sight”. But something crucial was missing. There is no record that Jacob consulted with God before committing to marrying the exquisite Rachel.
Today’s society fosters a spirit of dissatisfaction. So, we must make every effort to stop paying attention to the world and its selfish impulses. As Paul wrote, “I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content” (Philippians 4:11). As a husband and wife, be on the lookout for the poison of discontentment in your marriage. If you spot it, acknowledge it. Admit it. Discuss it. Then go to work together to deal with it. Draw on God’s help to overcome this marriage crippler.
Jacob was God’s man. He talked to God, was touched by God, and was taught by God. But, for some reason, his relationship with God failed to influence his wives and children. Jacob had a personal and powerful history with God, but that history was not successfully passed on to his family. His children took on some of their different mothers’ (there were four!) religious practices. Jacob’s spiritual concern for his family was too little, too late. The 12 tribes of Israel (one for each of his 12 sons) were plagued with idolatry for 1000 years. Unfortunately, in the life and household of Jacob, we see the devastating results of a lack of strong spiritual leadership on the part of the patriarch and head of the family.
Lessons for Husbands from Jacob
- Let your wife in on the real you. God has given you feelings, so let your wife in on them. One of the biggest complaints wives have about their husbands is their lack of openness.
- Practice looking out for the interests of others (a practical translation of Philippians 2:4). God calls his people—and those of us who are husbands—to practice looking out for the interests of others, to be givers, to do good, to love sacrificially, to work diligently and provide for family. And Jesus calls us to go the extra mile.
- Know who’s Number One. As husbands, we are called to show a deep, sacrificial love that is willing to give all—even life itself—for the one loved.
- Be the spiritual leader you were meant to be. You can’t miss the fact that Jacob’s faith in God was not passed on to his family.
- Remember, united you stand, divided you fall. Studies uniformly show that, of all the problems faced in a marriage, whether newlyweds or couples with decades under their belt, in-law problems rank first or second. The Number One reason for in-law issues is usually the failure of one spouse’s part to “leave and cleave” (Gen. 2:24). A marriage that centers wholeheartedly on following God is 100% dedicated to your spouse, and includes talking through all the issues that threaten your marital relationship will become a marriage that lasts.
Manoah and His Wife (Samson’s Parents): Best Friends Forever
From what we see in Scripture (Judges 13), Manoah and his wife had an outstanding relationship. They were simple people who did not have privileges, rank, or wealth. They were content with little they had, with the life they lived, and with each other. They readily shared all of the little and large events of daily life with each other. They had no problem communicating with one another. They listened carefully, believed what was said, and took advice from each other. They trusted and didn’t question each other. They shared a strong faith in God and His promise to them. They were willing to work together to raise their future child in the way God specified. In other words, they were best friends.
What does it take to be best friends? Mutual, undying love for each other. Spending time together. Talking things over. Trusting each other. And praying for one another.
Lessons for Husbands from Manoah
- Live and lead with confidence. Like Manoah, you should not be threatened by your wife’s spiritual growth.
- Make a rule to pray about everything. Here’s a way to test your spiritual maturity—the next time you have an issue to resolve or a decision to make, ask yourself, “How quickly will I seek God’s help through prayer?”
- Manoah was a man of faith.
- Leading requires getting the facts straight. Manoah was the leader in his marriage, and he was also a learner. How does a guy learn? He asks questions. He seeks answers.
Boaz and Ruth: A Couple with Character
It is a love story of opposites coming together: One was poor, the other rich. One was a Moabite, and the other a Jew. One worshipped idols, and the other worshipped God. One possessed nothing, the other offered everything. Yet with their many opposites, this couple had one thing in common—their strength of character.
Lessons for Husbands from Boaz
- Diligent—Boaz is described as “a man of great wealth” (Ruth 2:1). You may never be a wealthy man, but as you are faithful and conscientious in your work, God will bless your diligence and provide for you and your family.
- Merciful—Mercy is the ability for a man to show grace, sympathy, tolerance, and understanding toward others.
- Godly—The first words spoken by Boaz as he entered his fields and blessed his workers tells the story of his love for God: “Now behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said to the reapers, ‘The Lord be with you!'” (Ruth 2:4). A husband’s relationship with God will be mirrored in his relationship with his wife.
- Encouraging—Of all the people in the world who need to be encouraged, it is our wives. Their work is never done. Their roles and responsibilities never seem to end! Open your eyes to all she does for you and others. Then count the ways you can openly and personally praise and encourage her.
- Faithful—A husband who is faithful in what he says and does can be trusted, and trust is the glue that holds a marriage together.
David and Bathsheba: Second-Chance Marriage
David’s actions affirm what the prophet Hosea predicted in Hosea 8:7: “They sow the wind, and reap the whirlwind.” Too much free time can be a bad thing. Keeping your commitments; taking care of business; and focusing on your family, home, and job responsibilities is a good thing! Being where you are supposed to be and doing what you are supposed to be doing keeps you centered and accountable.
Among Satan’s lies about sin are (1) that no one will ever know, and (2) hey, the consequences won’t be so bad. And the effects of sin are never limited to only those who commit the sins. Sin’s consequences can trickle down for generations to come. We see this in David’s case. Perhaps because of his ungodly example, David’s children were rebellious and committed incest, murder, and treason.
In David, we witness a fact of life—no one is perfect, including us! But one of the traits of a man or woman after God’s own heart is their willingness to confess their sins. Sin occurs in every marriage, but like David and Bathsheba, you can repent, confess, and forgive. You can regroup and go on.
Tradition says it was Bathsheba who wrote Proverbs 31 to help prepare Solomon to lead from the throne (Proverbs 31:1-9) and to find an excellent wife (10-31). It’s no wonder Solomon became the wisest man on earth and a great king. His vast wisdom and love for God was very likely a reflection of her own spiritual condition.
Lessons for Husbands from David
- Obedience is the key to life—and marriage. In spite of David’s grievous wrongdoing, obedience was still the dominant trait in his life.
- Gaze only on your wife. David had a problem with women. He was very human, and in today’s culture he would be considered a womanizer. He had six wives before he married Bathsheba, and that doesn’t even include his concubines (2 Samuel 5:13)! David followed the example of other Oriental kings by having a harem as a display of his wealth and power. David let his culture influence him to go ahead and fulfill his lustful passions, disregarding the perfect will of God–one woman for one man.
- Check your armor for cracks.
- Confess your sin quickly. Use part of your daily prayer time searching your heart, taking care of sin, receiving God’s forgiveness, and rejoicing in his love.
- Be a husband after God’s own heart.
- Love: True love for your wife begins with a vibrant love for God and His Word.
- Learn: Your Bible is the ultimate gold mine of information.
- Lead: As a married man, you have someone to lead—your wonderful wife!
- Live: Every day, just one day at a time, determine to really live. God’s future for you is not yet revealed.
Zacharias and Elizabeth: Partners with Pure Hearts
They were both from the priestly line of Aaron. In addition to their prestigious pedigree, God gives an astounding evaluation of their character: They were both righteous before God (Luke 1:6).
Lessons for Husbands from Zacharias
- It’s all about your heart. You want godliness to be the foremost quality in your life. Here’s how Zacharias’ heart and inner life are described: He was righteous before God and he was “blameless” (Luke 1:6)
- Marriage is for better or worse. Even though they carried the burden of infertility, this couple refused to allow adverse circumstances to affect their relationship with God and their love for each other.
- Commit to praying for your wife.
- Be faithful in all things, large and small. Faithfulness is required of you too. Here’s why: You, as God’s servant, are to be found faithful (1 Cor. 4:2). You are to be faithful in word and deed (Col. 3:17). And faithfulness is a fruit of the spirit (Gal. 5:22). Bottom line? Faithfulness is a godly quality. So be faithful on your job. But at the same time, don’t neglect to be faithful to nurture your wife and family in the things of God. Be faithful to provide for your family—and be especially faithful to your vows to love, cherish, and honor your wife.
Joseph and Mary: A Couple in Crisis
“After God’s own heart” means a person “who will do all [God’s] will” (Acts 13:22). Full obedience to whatever God required is what prepared Joseph and Mary to take their place in biblical history. Mary models what the Bible calls “a gentle and quiet spirit.” This attitude of humility is described as “very precious in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:4).
Lessons for Husbands from Joseph
- Godliness is great gain. Joseph is described by God as “a just man” (Matthew 1:19). In the original Greek text, the word translated “just” is the same one used for Zacharias, which was translated “righteous”. Jesus was under Joseph’s care until he grew to manhood. Joseph had to be an extraordinary man for God to entrust him with that responsibility.
- Listen and learn. Joseph was sensitive—he listened to the voice of God.
- Obedience is the key to usefulness. In every single encounter with God’s commands, Joseph immediately, without hesitation, did as he was instructed. God is speaking to you and directing you—and your marriage—from His Word. Your obedience to Him will set the tone and pace for your wife and family.
- Leadership is essential for a husband. Happy is the wife who knows you are receiving your direction from God’s Word and wise counsel, who knows you want what’s best for her and the family regardless of how much sacrifice is required on your part. When you provide that kind of loving leadership, you make it easier for your wife to fulfill God’s calling to lovingly submit.
- Selflessness. His selflessness caused him to consider ways he could protect her from embarrassment. “Not wanting to make her a public example, [he] was minded to put her away secretly” (Matthew 1:19). A husband after God’s own heart refuses to think of himself. This means the well-being of your wife is your mission and highest priority. “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4).
Aquila and Priscilla: A Remarkable Husband-Wife Team
Aquila and Priscilla were a phenomenal husband-wife team. They showed us exactly what a couple after God’s own heart looks like. We can think of Aquila and Priscilla as being like a coin, which has two sides—with each side indicating the same value but each bearing a different image.
What can you learn from this “power couple” who chose to serve actively wherever they went?
Lessons for Husbands and Wives from Priscilla and Aquila
- Work as a team. They worked together to host churches in their homes.
- Grow together in the faith. Being mentored is vital for spiritual growth. Do you and your spouse each have a mentor?
- Open your home to others. Aquila and Priscilla did something that any couple can do: they opened their home for guests, meetings, and church services.
Jennifer and I remain committed to be a “Couple After God’s Own Heart.” If you’re married, how about you? May these lessons serve you well, as you:
