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John Maxwell’s Everyone Communicates, Few Connect
Maxwell asserts that good communication and leadership are all about connecting with people. Connecting is the ability to identify with and relate to people in a way that increases your influence with them. As an example, he uses the 1980 Presidential Debate. Jimmy Carter claimed, “I alone have had to determine the interest of my country and the involvement of my country…it’s a lonely job.” In contrast, Ronald Reagan asked, “Are you better off than you were four years ago? You made this country great.” Reagan connected with the audience…
Like Presidential voters, people on your team are asking three questions of their leaders:
(1) Do you care for me?
(2) Can you help me?
(3) Can I trust you?
Author and speaker Jeffrey Gitomer claims trust is even more important than love. In building trust, verbal communication actually plays a small role. What we say accounts for just 7% of what is believed. The way we say it accounts for 38% and what others see 55%. It’s like Ralph Waldo Emerson says, “What you are speaks so loudly that I can’t hear what you say.”
When you’re considering building new relationships and friendships, Roger Ailes (President of Fox News Channel) points out, “You’ve got just seven seconds to make the right first impression…Are you confident? Comfortable? Sincere? Glad to be there? In that first seven seconds, you shower your audience with subtle cues.” People may hear your words but they feel your attitude. As Jules Rose of Sloans’ Supermarkets notes, “The exact words that you use are far less important than the energy, intensity, and conviction with which you use them.”
Charlie Wetzel observes how John Maxwell connects with people. He explains that John possesses great confidence, exhibits authenticity, prepares thoroughly, utilizes humor, and focuses on others. That focus on others is echoed by Peter Drucker—the great management consultant—who said, “My greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions.” Larry King of CNN says it this way, “I’m curious about everything…My favorite question is Why? It’s the greatest question ever asked…and the surest way of keeping a conversation lively and entertaining.”
Maxwell points out that communication comes from the Latin word meaning common. Before we can communicate effectively, we must establish our commonness—the better we do that, the greater the potential for effective communication. The willingness to see things from others’ point of view is really the secret of finding common ground…and finding common ground is the secret of connecting.
Speakers too often have the attitude, “This is what I think; sit down, and listen.” Connectors have the attitude, “I will sit down & listen before I share what I think.” The late Steve Jobs from Apple said, “Management is about persuading people to do things they do not want to do, while leadership is about inspiring people to do things they never thought they could.”
In closing, Maxwell stresses that people will not always remember what you said or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel!
So…make a point to make someone feel special at work today…
And use “Make a Friend Day” to make a new connection…make a new friend at work…and create an environment where your team members can have a “best friend at work.” Now that’s “out of this world leadership”!